tittytangents.com

I can’t remember if I’ve been capitalizing every word in the title, so bear with me if you’re the type that loves stylistic consistancy.

You know how Robin Hood steals from the rich to give to the poor? Well even though he knows stealing is wrong, he thinks it’s the right thing to do to take from the affluent and give to the destitute. He’s breaking the law, but he’s doing it because he believes it’s just.

Now I’m not saying I’m a vigilante crime-fighter, or even that I think Robin Hood had the right idea, but what I am saying is… Well I guess what I’m saying is that I’m sorry and I’m not sorry.

I’m sorry for not posting in so long, but I’m also not sorry because I had my reasons. Granted, my reasons may sound like excuses– and they might in fact be–, but they are my reasons nonetheless. I think that I procrastinated in order to make sure that only my best effort and most focused attention would be given to the job. Most days I would think “I ought to make that post I’ve been meaning to post for a long time…” and I’d jot down my ideas on little post-its and put ‘em in my pockets. Or I’d open up a tab in my browser here so that whenever I was online I’d see it and be reminded to update. But I never forgot. I saw it every day. But I kept thinking “…It’s not the right time…” and skipped it another day.

And then I just decided to update when I got home from vacation, which was last night around 1am. The very fact that I was on vacation might have been enough to excuse me had I not made my last post while in the middle of relaxing. But then I might say the person I was staying with while on vacation, (who will be henceforth referred to as) My Beloved, got sick and I had to be a good girlfriend and provide care, but all that caring didn’t stop me from playing countless hours of World of Warcraft. So then I might instead say that I got sick myself and couldn’t be bothered to task myself so much by crafting some gem of a blog entry, but My Beloved and I still carried on with most of our plans which included going to the zoo and out to eat, among other things.

I was not unlike the kid who begged her parents for a fish. I promised I’d feed it, and clean its bowl, and pay it lots of attention if I got one. Well I got my fish, and while it’s being fed enough to stay alive, it’s bowl is an algae-ridden mess. I really wanted a website of my very own, and although it never fell to the wayside, it hasn’t been given the attention it deserved (if inanimate and intangible things have rights, that is).

But here I am, back at home, coughing incessantly and typity-typing away for your enjoyment. In the future I promise to keep my bowl cleaner, especially since I plan on having company. Or letting my fish have company. I’m not sure how to correctly word that last sentence when keeping with the fishbowl metaphor.

Maybe I’ll get one of those little crustacean things like Jacques from Finding Nemo and won’t even have to clean the bowl myself.

America is, like, the greatest place ever. We’ve got the freedom of speech, the freedom of religion, the freedom of this and that, we can have guns, we can bash this political figure and praise this celebrity… We can do a lot here. I think that’s probably the reason why so many people come from their native countries to find a home in the United States. They want to live the “American Dream”. It doesn’t really matter where you came from, or why you left, or what your culture is, or what language you speak. In America, we strive to be the best, most accommodating homogenization chamber that ever existed. The most that we ask of you is that you pretty please speak English.

Since most of us in the United States of America speak English, it’s only fair that the majority rules and everybody should speak the same language. Never mind that it’s only easy for us to tell others to do it because we’ve been speaking it since our youth. We’re trying to unite the country under one flag and one tongue (until Spanish eventually punches us in our boca and tells us to callate).

But let’s think about this for a minute. Is it really so fair to ask everyone else to learn this ass-backwards, inconsistent, and irregular language? Anybody that really takes time to consider how English works can see how confusing it must be for a non-native speaker to keep up. Hell, I’ve been speaking English since my beginning and I still get hung up here and there.

Some Examples:

Drink, drank, drunk: Drink is a verb in the present, drank is a verb in past tense, and drunk is a state of being. Example: I saw her drink. I watched as she drank. She became drunk.

Hang, hung, hanged: To hang is to dangle, to be hung is to be well endowed, and to be hanged is to be killed via dangling from one’s neck. Example: They wanted to see him hang. He was well-hung. He was hanged for it.

Freeze and squeeze are spelled similarly, but share little in the way of similarities during conjugation. Water can freeze. Water freezes. Water becomes frozen. You can squeeze an orange. She squeezes the orange. The orange has been squeezed.

We have homonyms and homophones, too. For example, you might want to read a book that a friend read. Or you could write about the right way to skin a cat. Or you could be bare-chested and hunt bears because you have a constitutional right to bear arms and your bare arms. Things could get messy pretty quickly.

Or if you want to give directions to someone and they ask something like “So I turn left here?” and you say “Right.”

“So I turn right?”

“No, you were correct. Turn left.”

I tentatively agree with people when they get all flustered and argue that people who live in America should speak English, but I also think we shouldn’t be so high and mighty and force immigrants to anglicize their names just so we can pronounce them.

I’d rather speak Spanish anyway.