I’m pro-life. Sort of.
I’m pregnant.
As much as this is always a pleasure for me, it is also quite a burden at times. I’m frequently pregnant, in fact. It’s almost a constant state for me.
But how, Beth? you may ask. I thought you hated children and had an aversion to male reproductive parts in general? you might wonder. It’s time for a vocab lesson, guys. Get your mind out of the uterus and into… a dictionary. Or something.
The interesting thing about pregnancy (the kind involving storks and babies) is that everything has a different gestation period. Humans take nine months of simmering in placental goo, while elephants take 22 long months to crawl out of their warm womb. And little bitty things like hamsters have less than 30 days before they pop on out (and risk being eaten by their hungry mamas). Not unlike bio-preggers, different ways of being mentally knocked-up require different gestation periods.
For instance, I am seldom without a to-do list. Some of the stuff on my list involves important stuff like calling the IRS about free money, sorting out a mess with the Veterans Affairs office to get free money, and doing precalculus homework. These things take way too long to incubate for their priority level. I procrastinated months on my IRS free money, as long as I could afford on my VA free money, and I’ve all but quit doing my important precalc work. That’s like human pregnancy there.
Now less objectively important things I wanted to do, like email this girl from Basic Military Training I hadn’t talked to in a while, sending a care package full of acorns and leaves for a friend who got stationed in SC away from pretty Maine foliage, and updating this site also take longer than I’d like. There’s absolutely no reason to not do that stuff, but I just keep putting it off like I’ll suddenly say “I’ve got 10 free minutes, so why not do that thing I’ve been meaning to do?”. Except I don’t. This can go on in a very elephant incubation-like manner for god knows how long. I keep feeling bad, but I also keep not doing anything about it. I’d be a horrible elephant cuz I’m always forgetting to remember how much I want to do stuff.
And then I have things that are pretty low-priority, like leveling up my characters in World of Warcraft, watching five episodes of Degrassi in a row, and using this week’s Border’s coupon for 30% off when I spend $10 or more. I do this shit faster than Spiderman can shoot web to grab the remote control because he’s too lazy to stand up and get it the old-fashioned way. Hamster baby mania. I get that warm feeling, know something important is a-brewin’, and race out to get it done. Before I know it I’ve got three new books, I’m leveling and gearing up, and all my Degrassi episodes are gone. And I still don’t know the status of my free money or how my old friends are doing. At that point it’s less like giving birth and more like holding off on pooping even though you really gotta and going pee instead, just hoping that it all goes like planned and you don’t get caught up with big stuff interspersed with your little stuff.
I’m going to try to do my precalc now. I think. No I probably won’t. Baby steps. I leveled up my character yesterday, I emailed my friend two days ago, called about the IRS stuff last week, and updated just now. That’s, like, stuff from each category in one week. I’ll be fine for at least… a while.
Until next time, my little hamster babies!
Tags: gestation, pregnancy, priorities, to-do lists